To capture raw emotion with words is impossible,
But to try is inevitable.
We end up with hopeless clichés
Overused metaphors
Stretched out similes.
But still we try.
We try "stronger" words.
We try words with "more meaning".
But in the end you cannot write a smile or a laugh
Nor heartache or a frown.
These must be felt.
Even the strongest words cannot convey a fraction of what is felt.
But to try is inevitable.
We end up with hopeless clichés
Overused metaphors
Stretched out similes.
But still we try.
We try "stronger" words.
We try words with "more meaning".
But in the end you cannot write a smile or a laugh
Nor heartache or a frown.
These must be felt.
Even the strongest words cannot convey a fraction of what is felt.
You waltz
First Loves are a Bitch
You ripped out my heart but I didn't know it yet.
Playing with it so gently, I couldn't feel a thing.
Tender care, stroking it so carefully.
I trusted you; you lied to me.
You tell me you've been hurt, lied to, used. You say you know that pain.
Yet you turn around and you hurt me, lie to me, use me.
Did you ever really know that pain?
I now do. It wasn't immediate, but it was there.
Man up, admit it to my face.
Or cover it up with more lies, seeing as that's what you're accustomed to.
I had to hear it from somebody else.
Do you know how much that hurts?
After w were supposedly friends again.
After we shared our secrets.....
From someone else's lies I heard your words
"The only reason I asked her out was to get back at my ex."
Said with a blunt nonchalance that forced it way into me.
How could you do this? To me. To anyone?....
I hate you for it.
But what I hate the most is
You were my first love. And now that's ruined forever.
Playing with it so gently, I couldn't feel a thing.
Tender care, stroking it so carefully.
I trusted you; you lied to me.
You tell me you've been hurt, lied to, used. You say you know that pain.
Yet you turn around and you hurt me, lie to me, use me.
Did you ever really know that pain?
I now do. It wasn't immediate, but it was there.
Man up, admit it to my face.
Or cover it up with more lies, seeing as that's what you're accustomed to.
I had to hear it from somebody else.
Do you know how much that hurts?
After w were supposedly friends again.
After we shared our secrets.....
From someone else's lies I heard your words
"The only reason I asked her out was to get back at my ex."
Said with a blunt nonchalance that forced it way into me.
How could you do this? To me. To anyone?....
I hate you for it.
But what I hate the most is
You were my first love. And now that's ruined forever.
Perry
I knew a kid from Hungary
I called him Perry
He didn't speak much English
He didn't know why I called him Perry
His name was Viktor.
I called him Perry
He didn't speak much English
He didn't know why I called him Perry
His name was Viktor.
Flickering Light
I used to hide myself, a social chameleon.
I changed myself with the times, a regular conformist.
I hated every second of it.
But if I was myself my friends may not like me anymore.
I'm not sure if I had any true friends
One day I got sick of it.
I shed my borrowed skin and bore my own.
For some my true self was too much; they faded away.
For some my true self was not enough; they too faded away.
I lost nearly everyone.
Over time I became tougher, built a shell to house the new me.
I was shielding my light..... why was I hiding what I tried so hard to release?
Eventually more people came along. They basked in my light and welcomed more of it.
So I shined myself upon them, not quite full power, but enough.
Everything was brilliant.
When you came I was comfortable in my new skin.
So you saw who I was and liked it.
Weeks of blissful time spent with you, us both shining our brightest.
Then things got complicated.
Slowly we started closing ourselves off, blocking the light.
I thought this killed us, you had another reason we died.
I closed myself off again, up came the walls around you.
Down they came around everyone else; vulnerability. Something new to me.
Weeks, months, no words.
After a long hiatus we speak and speak more.
Before I knew it we were both shining brightly again.
Then it gets awkward.
It starts with a kiss, or lack thereof.
Then uncontrollable flirting.
Babe, baby, dear, names exchanged.
But only in secret messages.
In person that all changes.
Going through this is dimming my light.
It's beginning to flicker.
Miss. Independent? Not anymore.
I need an answer.
Friends? More than that?
I can't stay in between, in this limbo.
Not this "friends with benefits" charade.
hitch one is it?
I need you decision, but I'm afraid to ask.
I wish you could hear my thoughts and answer me.
So what'll it be?
I changed myself with the times, a regular conformist.
I hated every second of it.
But if I was myself my friends may not like me anymore.
I'm not sure if I had any true friends
One day I got sick of it.
I shed my borrowed skin and bore my own.
For some my true self was too much; they faded away.
For some my true self was not enough; they too faded away.
I lost nearly everyone.
Over time I became tougher, built a shell to house the new me.
I was shielding my light..... why was I hiding what I tried so hard to release?
Eventually more people came along. They basked in my light and welcomed more of it.
So I shined myself upon them, not quite full power, but enough.
Everything was brilliant.
When you came I was comfortable in my new skin.
So you saw who I was and liked it.
Weeks of blissful time spent with you, us both shining our brightest.
Then things got complicated.
Slowly we started closing ourselves off, blocking the light.
I thought this killed us, you had another reason we died.
I closed myself off again, up came the walls around you.
Down they came around everyone else; vulnerability. Something new to me.
Weeks, months, no words.
After a long hiatus we speak and speak more.
Before I knew it we were both shining brightly again.
Then it gets awkward.
It starts with a kiss, or lack thereof.
Then uncontrollable flirting.
Babe, baby, dear, names exchanged.
But only in secret messages.
In person that all changes.
Going through this is dimming my light.
It's beginning to flicker.
Miss. Independent? Not anymore.
I need an answer.
Friends? More than that?
I can't stay in between, in this limbo.
Not this "friends with benefits" charade.
hitch one is it?
I need you decision, but I'm afraid to ask.
I wish you could hear my thoughts and answer me.
So what'll it be?
In Bloom
Always closed off from my true self; a mindless follower.
Day by day passing by with no bloom, remaining unchanged.
Then you come in.
A bright, bubbly, confident, amazing person.
Your petals in full bloom for the world to see.
It was not long until you showed me how to show myself.
I slowly revealed myself to the world, extending a little bit at a time.
Together we danced in the wind, our vibrant selves shying through, not caring who watched.
Some time after that you retracted back into your bud.
Now, it was my turn to be the bright, bubbly, confident, amazing one.
It took a while but now you're back.
And today we still need one another to remind us that we are the most beautiful when in bloom.
Now vibrant, verdant, vital flowers we shine through even the rainy and overcast days.
Day by day passing by with no bloom, remaining unchanged.
Then you come in.
A bright, bubbly, confident, amazing person.
Your petals in full bloom for the world to see.
It was not long until you showed me how to show myself.
I slowly revealed myself to the world, extending a little bit at a time.
Together we danced in the wind, our vibrant selves shying through, not caring who watched.
Some time after that you retracted back into your bud.
Now, it was my turn to be the bright, bubbly, confident, amazing one.
It took a while but now you're back.
And today we still need one another to remind us that we are the most beautiful when in bloom.
Now vibrant, verdant, vital flowers we shine through even the rainy and overcast days.
You Did It Again
You did it again, you bastard
And the worst part?
I forgave you
Again.
Fuck, I told myself I wouldn't
But I did
You're like a Fucking drug
I can't live without you
But how much will you take from me in the process?.....
And the worst part?
I forgave you
Again.
Fuck, I told myself I wouldn't
But I did
You're like a Fucking drug
I can't live without you
But how much will you take from me in the process?.....
All In
I'm not okay!
I know you were being honest!
but there are some things that should be left unsaid
I'm not naive
I know you're still looking
but you can't touch
Why don't you think of me that way?
When I say I Love You I mean it
Do you?
I'm all in
Are you?
I know you were being honest!
but there are some things that should be left unsaid
I'm not naive
I know you're still looking
but you can't touch
Why don't you think of me that way?
When I say I Love You I mean it
Do you?
I'm all in
Are you?
...
'Why would you do that?' She said
'I don't see what's wrong'
'How could you not see it?' She said
'I'm blinded'
'Do what you want' She said
'Are you okay?'
'Get out of my life' She thought
But she couldn't say it
'I don't see what's wrong'
'How could you not see it?' She said
'I'm blinded'
'Do what you want' She said
'Are you okay?'
'Get out of my life' She thought
But she couldn't say it
Beautiful Flower (A work in progress)
The first time Hunter heard The Mortician’s Daughter by Black Veil Brides Hunter and I were up in his room, and we were lying together on his bed. We had been through a lot and to add onto all of the horridness I should mention my horrid parents. They are never around and when they are they just cause trouble for me. Maybe trouble isn't the word, complications seems to fit better. They were always taking up my time to go to ‘charity events’, which were just excuses for them to get drunk and brag about accomplishments of themselves and me, which got under my skin since there were never there to help me achieve my goals, let alone celebrate them. This is where Hunter comes in. I had met him last summer and he was a jerk. Like a grade A scumbag. But of course I became friends with him anyway.
My parents always told me I made the wrong types of friends, the ones they were around to see anyway, which were few, and what they told me about Hunter was no different. “He’s bad for you sweetie. He’ll only bring you down.” My mom stated. By the way she said sweetie you could tell it didn’t often leave her mouth, and never to me.
“Don’t say that like you care about me! Or like you even know me at all” I had screamed back. By this point my mother was beyond drunk and beyond caring what her snooty friends thought. “Listen to me brat, you will not hang around that boy and end up pregnant or in jail because of him. You will not see him! Do you hear me?!” By this time I was already almost at the door to Lydia’s lounge where the adults had gathered for another ‘charity function’ that included downing scotch and belittling anyone unlucky enough to be in their range of vision. However, after she said that last statement it was as if I had suddenly grown a spine, nay, two spines and I spun on my heel to face her.
“Oh yeah? Well who’s going to be around to stop me?”And with that I stormed out of the room.
Hunter and I were not a couple and my parents knew this, yet my mother had dared to throw out pregnancy? She was despicable and ferocious, and my father, who is around even less than my mother, was the same. After our little exchange I had stormed out of the lounge and found my way to the front door which I threw open without even collecting my stuff. I didn't bother closing the door behind me and as I was dialing the number of a cab company I heard a muffled “You’re going to regret saying that! I’ll- I’ll ground you! I’ll take away your phone! I’ll cut you off!” All of these threats were useless but it was at the last one that I full on laughed. If anyone had been around me at this very moment they would have thought me a mad woman. I laughed with disbelief that she would even try to punish me. I laughed at how it took her until I was out of the house and halfway down the extensive winding driveway to think of something to say. But most of all I laughed at the irony that what she was threatening me with was exactly what I wanted. I wanted all ties with my parents to be cut. I wanted to not have to live in their house, to not have to eat their food and wear their clothes just so that they could throw it back in my face. The cab had arrived then and picked me up and I had directed it to Hunter’s house.
Lying there with him I tried to think of other things. Any other things. But it was no use, my mind kept drifting back to the fight and to my parental problems. “Okay, spill it. What has my little Rhi’s brain so preoccupied that she can’t pay attention to her amazingly awesome, not to mention impossibly hot, best friend.” He winked at that last part which made me laugh before my face went solemn again.
“Well, I didn't just come here to hang out with you,” I confessed, and Hunter gave me a look to prompt me to go on. “My mom and I kind of got into it tonight.” At this Hunter looked absolutely confused. My mom and I always fought when she was around to, so to hear that I was dwelling on it was probably a huge shock to him; it was a shock to me. “ I mean we really got into it .She was saying all this stuff and I got angry and yelled back and we just kept yelling until I stormed out and, well, here I am.” I finished with a flourish of my hands gesturing toward myself.
“And?” he asked with a knowing tone to his voice.
“And she threatened me with things she would never follow through with.”
“Why do I get the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me?” he asked with concern in his eyes. I couldn't answer so I just looked away. At anything but him. “Rhi,” he said soothingly “What did your mom say that made you so angry?”
“She said some-somethingaboutyou.” I rushed out, still not looking at him. I finally gained the courage to look up at him through the wall of my hair and saw him waiting patiently for me to continue. This time I looked directly into his soft green eyes that were nearly the same shade as mine and said, “She said something about you. That you’re no good for me and if I kept hanging around you I’d get into trouble and so I yelled and she said that I wasn't allowed to see you anymore so I said that it’s not like she’d be around to enforce that and then I left.” I trailed off at the last part, his gaze finally making me look away. I felt silly and foolish.
“Rhi,” He nearly whispered “is there anything else you’d like to share?” He would never push me to tell him anything I didn't want to.
“No.” I answered truthfully. I didn’t want to share my thoughts on the subject of separating from my parents just yet. Right now I just wanted to sit and be with my best friend. As if he could read my mind Hunter just nodded and lay back, guiding my head to his chest. For that moment I just let Hunter’s heart beat and the sound of Andy’s voice wash all thoughts from my head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks had passed by and things had gone back to normal. My parents were gone, Hunter and I were taking turns living at each other’s houses, and occasionally I would get money wired into my account to get food and other necessities. One Monday afternoon after Hunter and I had gotten back from the movies there was a knock on the door. He answered the door while I was mid sentence “No way! That was hands down the worst en-” I was shut up by the sight. Both my parents were standing at the door and looked quite shocked.
“Rhiannon Isabella Margot Holland!” was all my mother said. My jaw dropped and just hung there. I didn’t know what to say. Unfortunately, Hunter did.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs.Holland. I’m Rhi’s friend Hunter.” He said in a cheery tone. I face-palmed. When they didn’t respond Hunter just looked down and mumbled “uh i should um probably be going now.” nice deduction Sherlock I thought. “Bye Rhi!” He yelled as he sprinted down the driveway. Great, way to be helpful.
“Hi Viv, Ron.” I nodded to each in turn .
“Don’t be such a smart-ass.” my mother said in a tired tone
“Well, if you’re going to use my birth name, I figured I’d use yours too.” I bluntly stated.
“Rhiannon, who was that boy?” My father inquired. My mom gave him a look that was filled with venom. When my father still looked confused she said in one of those quiet tones that people use when they’re too mad to even yell, “That, Ronald, was Hunter.” The blank expression on my father’s face remained and she continued on in the same tone, “The one we forbade our daughter to see-” Recognition hit my father’s face and it grew red.
“Rhiannon! Why did you have this boy over in a house unattended by an adult with you?” after a glance toward my mom he hastily added, “Or around you at all after your mother and I explicitly told you to never see him again?”
“Because I didn’t think either of you would find out.” Wrong answer Rhi I told myself. Before they could yell at me more I slipped upstairs to my room and hid out for the rest of the night.
I picked up my phone about an hour later to text Hunter. Dead. I plugged my phone into my charger and rolled over to go to bed.
I woke up the next morning and checked my phone. Still no charge. Oh well, I rolled out of bed and trudged down the stairs to get myself some breakfast. I immediately regretted getting out of bed at all. “Sit down. We would like a word with you.” My father set down his coffee and sat down across from me.
“What, you’re not going to offer me any?” When he didn’t respond I made a move to get up and get some myself.
“Did we say you could move yet? No? Well then sit. down.” My mother spat out the last two words like fire. I didn’t dare disobey at this point, so I took a seat across from my parents and waited patiently while fidgeting with the placemat. “Rhi,” My mom started like she was going to try and use a compassionate tone before she decided differently, “we told you to stay away from that boy. We told you there would be consequences if you did not. You disobeyed, and now you must face the consequences.” I scoffed at this and she scowled at me. “You may have noticed you phone not working, that is because we shut it off. We also have locked up the TV and taken your laptop and you will find in your account each week just enough to buy groceries.” She waited on a reaction, a reaction I didn’t have.
“Okay.” I simply stated after a moment. “Are we done here? I have somewhere to be.” They both just nodded. Thank God they’re not enough of parents to know that part of being grounded means not going out. I gathered my stuff and walked out to my parent’s driver and directed him to Hunter’s house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What was that all about? Why haven’t you called or texted? Why do you look so freaked out? Are you okay? Rhi? Hello?” Hunter waved his hand infront of my face a few times before I swatted it away.
“Geez Hunter! If you’re going to ask me questions at least give my time to answer them before you ask another one!” My outburst had shocked him and he now lay silent just staring at me. “Look,” I sighed, “right now I just really need my best friend to talk to. So can we head up to your room and talk?” He nodded and led me up to his third story room and shut the door. We sat on the bed and I took a deep breath and began answering his questions one by one. “My parent’s grounded me. Meaning no phone, no computer and no TV. They completely shut off my phone so that’s why I haven’t contacted you. I look so freaked out because I’ve been waiting for this to happen and yeah, I think I am okay.” I finished and looked up at him.
“You have been waiting for them to ground you?” was all Hunter could say. His adorable features looked so confused over this that I just had to laugh. He stared at me with an odd expression that just made me laugh harder and when I finally calmed down enough to speak I explained everything.
“See now?” I asked when I had finished explaining my thoughts that I had refused to tell him so many nights ago, “All ties have been cut. I’m practically free.”
“Yeah, but legally you still belong to them” I pulled out some papers and put them in his hands.
“Not for long.” I whispered. The emancipation papers were filled out and ready to be mailed in. Then I would only have to wait for a judge to hear the case.
“Rhi, are you positive you want to do this?”
“Absolutely.” I answered without hesitation.
My parents always told me I made the wrong types of friends, the ones they were around to see anyway, which were few, and what they told me about Hunter was no different. “He’s bad for you sweetie. He’ll only bring you down.” My mom stated. By the way she said sweetie you could tell it didn’t often leave her mouth, and never to me.
“Don’t say that like you care about me! Or like you even know me at all” I had screamed back. By this point my mother was beyond drunk and beyond caring what her snooty friends thought. “Listen to me brat, you will not hang around that boy and end up pregnant or in jail because of him. You will not see him! Do you hear me?!” By this time I was already almost at the door to Lydia’s lounge where the adults had gathered for another ‘charity function’ that included downing scotch and belittling anyone unlucky enough to be in their range of vision. However, after she said that last statement it was as if I had suddenly grown a spine, nay, two spines and I spun on my heel to face her.
“Oh yeah? Well who’s going to be around to stop me?”And with that I stormed out of the room.
Hunter and I were not a couple and my parents knew this, yet my mother had dared to throw out pregnancy? She was despicable and ferocious, and my father, who is around even less than my mother, was the same. After our little exchange I had stormed out of the lounge and found my way to the front door which I threw open without even collecting my stuff. I didn't bother closing the door behind me and as I was dialing the number of a cab company I heard a muffled “You’re going to regret saying that! I’ll- I’ll ground you! I’ll take away your phone! I’ll cut you off!” All of these threats were useless but it was at the last one that I full on laughed. If anyone had been around me at this very moment they would have thought me a mad woman. I laughed with disbelief that she would even try to punish me. I laughed at how it took her until I was out of the house and halfway down the extensive winding driveway to think of something to say. But most of all I laughed at the irony that what she was threatening me with was exactly what I wanted. I wanted all ties with my parents to be cut. I wanted to not have to live in their house, to not have to eat their food and wear their clothes just so that they could throw it back in my face. The cab had arrived then and picked me up and I had directed it to Hunter’s house.
Lying there with him I tried to think of other things. Any other things. But it was no use, my mind kept drifting back to the fight and to my parental problems. “Okay, spill it. What has my little Rhi’s brain so preoccupied that she can’t pay attention to her amazingly awesome, not to mention impossibly hot, best friend.” He winked at that last part which made me laugh before my face went solemn again.
“Well, I didn't just come here to hang out with you,” I confessed, and Hunter gave me a look to prompt me to go on. “My mom and I kind of got into it tonight.” At this Hunter looked absolutely confused. My mom and I always fought when she was around to, so to hear that I was dwelling on it was probably a huge shock to him; it was a shock to me. “ I mean we really got into it .She was saying all this stuff and I got angry and yelled back and we just kept yelling until I stormed out and, well, here I am.” I finished with a flourish of my hands gesturing toward myself.
“And?” he asked with a knowing tone to his voice.
“And she threatened me with things she would never follow through with.”
“Why do I get the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me?” he asked with concern in his eyes. I couldn't answer so I just looked away. At anything but him. “Rhi,” he said soothingly “What did your mom say that made you so angry?”
“She said some-somethingaboutyou.” I rushed out, still not looking at him. I finally gained the courage to look up at him through the wall of my hair and saw him waiting patiently for me to continue. This time I looked directly into his soft green eyes that were nearly the same shade as mine and said, “She said something about you. That you’re no good for me and if I kept hanging around you I’d get into trouble and so I yelled and she said that I wasn't allowed to see you anymore so I said that it’s not like she’d be around to enforce that and then I left.” I trailed off at the last part, his gaze finally making me look away. I felt silly and foolish.
“Rhi,” He nearly whispered “is there anything else you’d like to share?” He would never push me to tell him anything I didn't want to.
“No.” I answered truthfully. I didn’t want to share my thoughts on the subject of separating from my parents just yet. Right now I just wanted to sit and be with my best friend. As if he could read my mind Hunter just nodded and lay back, guiding my head to his chest. For that moment I just let Hunter’s heart beat and the sound of Andy’s voice wash all thoughts from my head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks had passed by and things had gone back to normal. My parents were gone, Hunter and I were taking turns living at each other’s houses, and occasionally I would get money wired into my account to get food and other necessities. One Monday afternoon after Hunter and I had gotten back from the movies there was a knock on the door. He answered the door while I was mid sentence “No way! That was hands down the worst en-” I was shut up by the sight. Both my parents were standing at the door and looked quite shocked.
“Rhiannon Isabella Margot Holland!” was all my mother said. My jaw dropped and just hung there. I didn’t know what to say. Unfortunately, Hunter did.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs.Holland. I’m Rhi’s friend Hunter.” He said in a cheery tone. I face-palmed. When they didn’t respond Hunter just looked down and mumbled “uh i should um probably be going now.” nice deduction Sherlock I thought. “Bye Rhi!” He yelled as he sprinted down the driveway. Great, way to be helpful.
“Hi Viv, Ron.” I nodded to each in turn .
“Don’t be such a smart-ass.” my mother said in a tired tone
“Well, if you’re going to use my birth name, I figured I’d use yours too.” I bluntly stated.
“Rhiannon, who was that boy?” My father inquired. My mom gave him a look that was filled with venom. When my father still looked confused she said in one of those quiet tones that people use when they’re too mad to even yell, “That, Ronald, was Hunter.” The blank expression on my father’s face remained and she continued on in the same tone, “The one we forbade our daughter to see-” Recognition hit my father’s face and it grew red.
“Rhiannon! Why did you have this boy over in a house unattended by an adult with you?” after a glance toward my mom he hastily added, “Or around you at all after your mother and I explicitly told you to never see him again?”
“Because I didn’t think either of you would find out.” Wrong answer Rhi I told myself. Before they could yell at me more I slipped upstairs to my room and hid out for the rest of the night.
I picked up my phone about an hour later to text Hunter. Dead. I plugged my phone into my charger and rolled over to go to bed.
I woke up the next morning and checked my phone. Still no charge. Oh well, I rolled out of bed and trudged down the stairs to get myself some breakfast. I immediately regretted getting out of bed at all. “Sit down. We would like a word with you.” My father set down his coffee and sat down across from me.
“What, you’re not going to offer me any?” When he didn’t respond I made a move to get up and get some myself.
“Did we say you could move yet? No? Well then sit. down.” My mother spat out the last two words like fire. I didn’t dare disobey at this point, so I took a seat across from my parents and waited patiently while fidgeting with the placemat. “Rhi,” My mom started like she was going to try and use a compassionate tone before she decided differently, “we told you to stay away from that boy. We told you there would be consequences if you did not. You disobeyed, and now you must face the consequences.” I scoffed at this and she scowled at me. “You may have noticed you phone not working, that is because we shut it off. We also have locked up the TV and taken your laptop and you will find in your account each week just enough to buy groceries.” She waited on a reaction, a reaction I didn’t have.
“Okay.” I simply stated after a moment. “Are we done here? I have somewhere to be.” They both just nodded. Thank God they’re not enough of parents to know that part of being grounded means not going out. I gathered my stuff and walked out to my parent’s driver and directed him to Hunter’s house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What was that all about? Why haven’t you called or texted? Why do you look so freaked out? Are you okay? Rhi? Hello?” Hunter waved his hand infront of my face a few times before I swatted it away.
“Geez Hunter! If you’re going to ask me questions at least give my time to answer them before you ask another one!” My outburst had shocked him and he now lay silent just staring at me. “Look,” I sighed, “right now I just really need my best friend to talk to. So can we head up to your room and talk?” He nodded and led me up to his third story room and shut the door. We sat on the bed and I took a deep breath and began answering his questions one by one. “My parent’s grounded me. Meaning no phone, no computer and no TV. They completely shut off my phone so that’s why I haven’t contacted you. I look so freaked out because I’ve been waiting for this to happen and yeah, I think I am okay.” I finished and looked up at him.
“You have been waiting for them to ground you?” was all Hunter could say. His adorable features looked so confused over this that I just had to laugh. He stared at me with an odd expression that just made me laugh harder and when I finally calmed down enough to speak I explained everything.
“See now?” I asked when I had finished explaining my thoughts that I had refused to tell him so many nights ago, “All ties have been cut. I’m practically free.”
“Yeah, but legally you still belong to them” I pulled out some papers and put them in his hands.
“Not for long.” I whispered. The emancipation papers were filled out and ready to be mailed in. Then I would only have to wait for a judge to hear the case.
“Rhi, are you positive you want to do this?”
“Absolutely.” I answered without hesitation.
Fuck You Too
'Fuck You', you only wish you could
Not even in your dreams
Yeah I'm that good
'Fuck You' I've heard it a million times
But it's not changing anything
So try something new
Fuck you too
You thought you were being cool
But you sounded like a tool
You're not fooling anyone acting like a tough guy
You're weak as you've ever been
Now I wish you'd understand
You need to say good bye
I've been acting like the bigger man
Now I take my final stand
Against you
'Fuck You', you only wish you could
Not even in your dreams
Yeah I'm that good
'Fuck You' I've heard it a million times
But it's not changing anything
So try something new
Fuck you too
It's like you're not hearing what I'm saying
But you need to
Like you're not thinking through what you're doing
Let me tell you
Actions speak loud
But words speak louder
Put down you fists and get ready for a real encounter
You say 'Fuck You'
Well, Fuck you too.
Not even in your dreams
Yeah I'm that good
'Fuck You' I've heard it a million times
But it's not changing anything
So try something new
Fuck you too
You thought you were being cool
But you sounded like a tool
You're not fooling anyone acting like a tough guy
You're weak as you've ever been
Now I wish you'd understand
You need to say good bye
I've been acting like the bigger man
Now I take my final stand
Against you
'Fuck You', you only wish you could
Not even in your dreams
Yeah I'm that good
'Fuck You' I've heard it a million times
But it's not changing anything
So try something new
Fuck you too
It's like you're not hearing what I'm saying
But you need to
Like you're not thinking through what you're doing
Let me tell you
Actions speak loud
But words speak louder
Put down you fists and get ready for a real encounter
You say 'Fuck You'
Well, Fuck you too.
My Final Words to You
Seems strange
my life should end in this terrible place
Three years I had roses
apologized to no one
I shall die here,
every inch of me,
but one
Small, fragile, worth having
NEVER let them take it
I hope whoever you are
you escape this place,
things get better,
you will understand
Even though I don’t know you,
may never meet you,
laugh with you,
cry with you,
kiss you.
With all my heart,
I love you.
From V for Vendetta
my life should end in this terrible place
Three years I had roses
apologized to no one
I shall die here,
every inch of me,
but one
Small, fragile, worth having
NEVER let them take it
I hope whoever you are
you escape this place,
things get better,
you will understand
Even though I don’t know you,
may never meet you,
laugh with you,
cry with you,
kiss you.
With all my heart,
I love you.
From V for Vendetta
What I Am
I am the security blanket in the back of your closet
You don’t always see me but i’m always there when you need me
To give comfort and make you feel okay again
Reassurance, security, safety net
I catch you and piece you back together with a simple cozy hug
But as soon as you’re taped back together you put me back into your closet
Until I am needed again
But I will always be there
You don’t always see me but i’m always there when you need me
To give comfort and make you feel okay again
Reassurance, security, safety net
I catch you and piece you back together with a simple cozy hug
But as soon as you’re taped back together you put me back into your closet
Until I am needed again
But I will always be there
A Letter To You (Please Don’t Write Back)
Dear the person whose path mine has crossed and left,
We passed each other for what seems like a fleeting moment
Years pressed into seconds
I have not forgotten you
But your presence has lessened in my mind
You hurt me
There is no denying that
You broke me
There is no use in hiding it anymore
I should hate you for what you did to me
Yet I don’t
I am still very much in love with you
But I have moved on
To a place just beyond your reach
I am safe here for now
I just hope that lasts
I will always wonder
What if.....
However, I am strong enough to realize that you’re not right for me
But still I wonder if
you ever think the same things
If you ever miss me
But our distance is more important than my answers
Please don’t write back,
Jessica
We passed each other for what seems like a fleeting moment
Years pressed into seconds
I have not forgotten you
But your presence has lessened in my mind
You hurt me
There is no denying that
You broke me
There is no use in hiding it anymore
I should hate you for what you did to me
Yet I don’t
I am still very much in love with you
But I have moved on
To a place just beyond your reach
I am safe here for now
I just hope that lasts
I will always wonder
What if.....
However, I am strong enough to realize that you’re not right for me
But still I wonder if
you ever think the same things
If you ever miss me
But our distance is more important than my answers
Please don’t write back,
Jessica
Chocolate Rain
Hearts racing
Rain falling
Keeping our hot bodies cool
Clothes are shed
Slippery wet fun
Add in some chocolate
A sweet surprise
Licking it off
Putting more on
Mixing sweet sauces together
Messy, wet, perfect
Rain falling
Keeping our hot bodies cool
Clothes are shed
Slippery wet fun
Add in some chocolate
A sweet surprise
Licking it off
Putting more on
Mixing sweet sauces together
Messy, wet, perfect
A Tribute to The Offspring
"When you're in prison you're gonna go far kid." as this was spoken to me I know that the kids weren't alright. Here I was in a dead end job that takes me nowhere. I look around and see kids a lot like me and it sinks in, stuff is messed up. Inside I hear myself sarcastically chant "Let's hear it for rock bottom!" I just want to fix you, all of you. I want to be able to trust in you and not believe that every kid around me is a hammerhead. As I'm walking home I concentrate solely on the rise and fall of my chest so I don't hear the words going around and around in my head. They were the last words I spoke to you "Kristy, are you doing okay?" Your reply was only a half-truism. Days go by and the city is hurting as one, but no one misses you like I do. Sometimes rumors start about you, really they're secrets from the underground. Sometimes I feel myself turning into you. All I have left is you. But I really don't even have that. You're gone and I just have memories. Sometimes I think memories are just dirty magic. Only reminding us of what we once had and what we can never have again. Everyone tells me not to live in the past. "The future is now." They say. Since when was the future seeing kids cruising California with O.C. guns? Besides, the past is where i'm happy. The past is where I have you. I used to whisper in your ear "I want to have a secret family with you." And you would joke back to me and say "The likelihood of that is similar to the likelihood that you could actually divide by zero." Then we'd go back to watching our favorite movie Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides The Bomb to Hell
**This will be continued later. The reason for writing this is I was listening to a band called The Offspring and I decided to write a short story based solely on their song titles. These are from their albums Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace and Days Go By and one from another. I hope you enjoy it**
**This will be continued later. The reason for writing this is I was listening to a band called The Offspring and I decided to write a short story based solely on their song titles. These are from their albums Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace and Days Go By and one from another. I hope you enjoy it**
Windows
Windows, kind but cruel
Protect us from the outside and provide a barrier
Which prevents the outside from coming in.
But windows work both ways
They keep things out but also keep things in
Giving you a glimpse of what's on the other side
While simultaneously keeping you away from it
Those on the inside looking out on a bright summer's day can attest
As can those looking in on a warm roaring fire in the unrelenting chill of the winter
What is being kept out?
What is being kept in?
Shall we break the barrier and see?
Protect us from the outside and provide a barrier
Which prevents the outside from coming in.
But windows work both ways
They keep things out but also keep things in
Giving you a glimpse of what's on the other side
While simultaneously keeping you away from it
Those on the inside looking out on a bright summer's day can attest
As can those looking in on a warm roaring fire in the unrelenting chill of the winter
What is being kept out?
What is being kept in?
Shall we break the barrier and see?
Tonight's Gonna Be A Long Night
(A work in progress about build season on a F.I.R.S.T. Robotics team to the tune of the BEP's I Got A Feeling)
I have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night
A feeling that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night
A feeling (woohoo) that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night (X2)
Working tonight, with drills and screws
Got my safety glasses, on my eyes
Go out and build a robot
Let's get it done. Six weeks are up!
I know that it's late, it's true
But if we get up and press on we won't loose it all
I know you're stressed out, just don't let go
I have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night
A feeling that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night
A feeling (woohoo) that tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long night
That tonight's gonna be a long, long night (X2)
Working tonight, with drills and screws
Got my safety glasses, on my eyes
Go out and build a robot
Let's get it done. Six weeks are up!
I know that it's late, it's true
But if we get up and press on we won't loose it all
I know you're stressed out, just don't let go
Silliness With My Cousin At 3 AM
(To the tune of 'Sexy Back')
I'm pasting muffins yeah (yeah)
Now add some cheese so that they don't taste bad (yeah)
This sauce is saucy like her skirt yeah (yeah)
We're making these at 3 AM yeah (yeah)
Take em to the oven!
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
We're eating muffins yeah (yeah)
Now add more cheese cause they still taste bad (yeah)
I think we should do this again (yeah)
How bout tomorrow night at 3 AM? (yeah)
Take em to the sink!
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
We're washing dishes yeah (yeah)
With soap and water cause they're dirty yeah (yeah)
Now gotta rinse and dry yeah (yeah)
Do this again tomorrow night (yeah)
I'm pasting muffins yeah (yeah)
Now add some cheese so that they don't taste bad (yeah)
This sauce is saucy like her skirt yeah (yeah)
We're making these at 3 AM yeah (yeah)
Take em to the oven!
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
Are they done!? (No they're not done yet)
We're eating muffins yeah (yeah)
Now add more cheese cause they still taste bad (yeah)
I think we should do this again (yeah)
How bout tomorrow night at 3 AM? (yeah)
Take em to the sink!
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
Walking to the sink (We're walking over)
We're washing dishes yeah (yeah)
With soap and water cause they're dirty yeah (yeah)
Now gotta rinse and dry yeah (yeah)
Do this again tomorrow night (yeah)
I Love You
I Love waking up every morning and texting you.
I love texting you all day.
I love texting you every night just to say goodnight even though we talk for hours after.
I love waking up every morning to a text from you.
I love texting you all day.
I love falling asleep texting you every night.
I love talking to you and telling you everything.
I love trusting you and knowing you care.
I love being in your presence.
I love having you near.
I love having you close to me.
I love seeing you.
I love getting lost in your eyes.
I love the mischievous glint that is ever present in your eyes.
I love the softness of your hands against the callousness of mine.
I love how your fingers fill the spaces between mine perfectly.
I love the feeling of your body against mine.
I love the feeling of your warm breath on my neck.
I love the feeling of your arms wrapping around my neck.
I love the feeling of your hands on my waist.
I love feeling your heart beat speeding up as i brush my lips against your neck.
I love the feeling of tingling I get where your lips have touched.
I love the feeling of your lips on mine as they finally meet.
I love the soft biting of my lip as I feel your tongue enter my mouth.
I love exploring you as you explore me.
I love the motion of our lips as we kiss deeper, slower, longer.
I love becoming one with you on a deeper level.
I love the feeling of you pulling me closer to you.
I love the way our breath mingles as we pull apart to get some air.
I love the moment after a kiss when we stare into each others eyes.
I love holding you against me close and tight in my arms.
I love feeling your muscles strong against me.
I love you.
I love you too.
I love texting you all day.
I love texting you every night just to say goodnight even though we talk for hours after.
I love waking up every morning to a text from you.
I love texting you all day.
I love falling asleep texting you every night.
I love talking to you and telling you everything.
I love trusting you and knowing you care.
I love being in your presence.
I love having you near.
I love having you close to me.
I love seeing you.
I love getting lost in your eyes.
I love the mischievous glint that is ever present in your eyes.
I love the softness of your hands against the callousness of mine.
I love how your fingers fill the spaces between mine perfectly.
I love the feeling of your body against mine.
I love the feeling of your warm breath on my neck.
I love the feeling of your arms wrapping around my neck.
I love the feeling of your hands on my waist.
I love feeling your heart beat speeding up as i brush my lips against your neck.
I love the feeling of tingling I get where your lips have touched.
I love the feeling of your lips on mine as they finally meet.
I love the soft biting of my lip as I feel your tongue enter my mouth.
I love exploring you as you explore me.
I love the motion of our lips as we kiss deeper, slower, longer.
I love becoming one with you on a deeper level.
I love the feeling of you pulling me closer to you.
I love the way our breath mingles as we pull apart to get some air.
I love the moment after a kiss when we stare into each others eyes.
I love holding you against me close and tight in my arms.
I love feeling your muscles strong against me.
I love you.
I love you too.
My Lucky Number 5
1) Treated me wrong and used me
Broke my heart
Tried to use me again
DONE
2) Treated me like a Princess
Called me boo
First kiss
Dropped me and moved on without a word
DONE
3) Sweetie
Reminded me of #2
Forced yourself on me in a park
DONE
4) Adored me
His 'first love'
Wasn't working so I broke up with him
Slept with another girl after saying I love you 7 times
DONE
5) I love you
You love me
I can tell you any and everything
My best friend
LOVE
Broke my heart
Tried to use me again
DONE
2) Treated me like a Princess
Called me boo
First kiss
Dropped me and moved on without a word
DONE
3) Sweetie
Reminded me of #2
Forced yourself on me in a park
DONE
4) Adored me
His 'first love'
Wasn't working so I broke up with him
Slept with another girl after saying I love you 7 times
DONE
5) I love you
You love me
I can tell you any and everything
My best friend
LOVE
It's Funny How You Think I Still Care
(A work in progress)
Parading her around right in front of me
Staring me down when you say that word
Throwing it in my face whenever you get the chance
Calling me a Bitch to act like you're masculine
Haha ya know.....
It's funny how you think I still care
Trying to shove it in my face
I'm over you so get over me
Go shove your 'happiness' down someone else's throat
Cause I have my own
And I Don't Fucking Care
Parading her around right in front of me
Staring me down when you say that word
Throwing it in my face whenever you get the chance
Calling me a Bitch to act like you're masculine
Haha ya know.....
It's funny how you think I still care
Trying to shove it in my face
I'm over you so get over me
Go shove your 'happiness' down someone else's throat
Cause I have my own
And I Don't Fucking Care
Bring It On
You built me up just to tear me down
It was never you and me
It was always you and her
Why would you do this?
I thought you were different
But I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
Just wanted to say you suck
I hate you
And I thanK You
You Left a cut a milE long across my heart
But now it's just a scar that shows...
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
You thought you'd keep me down
Always hanging around
But I turned it around
Now it's you wanting my attention
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
It was never you and me
It was always you and her
Why would you do this?
I thought you were different
But I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
Just wanted to say you suck
I hate you
And I thanK You
You Left a cut a milE long across my heart
But now it's just a scar that shows...
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
You thought you'd keep me down
Always hanging around
But I turned it around
Now it's you wanting my attention
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
I was just another girl
Stupid enough to fall for you
You broke my heart and stole my pride
But i will say the last goodbye
I'm over it and joke's on you
Cause i'm stronger now and ready for anything
Bring It On
I miss you but why?
I miss you but why?
It was obvious you wanted to tell me goodbye
For 2 months it was pure bliss
No one knew, it was our little secret
'We're just friends.' we told everyone. But we were more.
We'd watch movies in your basement lying next to each other on the couch
Your body pressed against mine. Holding me. So close.
You would kiss me so sweetly
You were my first kiss you know
I was your Princess. Your 'new Jessica'
We went ice skating and saw movies. You showed me Hardstyle music
I met your mom and sister, I don't think they liked me much
Every night you would kiss me goodbye just to text me minutes later
We would text until all hours, sometimes not sleeping at all
You told me you loved me, that I was your boo
I told you I loved you too
'Ich liebe dich boo' you would tell me
Our love secret
You gave me your class ring, but I gave it back
Not because I didn't like you, but because I was afraid it would give us away
I ignored what people would say
At school we would text each other from across the table and secretly hold hands
A Christmas/New Years you told me you were drinking, too much. 7 Beers
You felt like crap. When school started back up everything was different
I was always the one texting you
You were growing distant
I decided not to text you one night, and another, and another
You never texted me. It was killing me
2 weeks, 2 months go by and still nothing
Fine.
But now I feel myself missing you
Wondering if I did something wrong
Could we have been?
I want to talk to you
I think about it every night
But you have a new girl now
It rips me apart
I want you
So many sleepless nights go by
Should I try?
Come back to me..... Please
If only for closure
Or is this all a fantasy concocted by a crush
No. It is not. I loved you. You loved me too..... I think
I love you. I miss you.
It was obvious you wanted to tell me goodbye
For 2 months it was pure bliss
No one knew, it was our little secret
'We're just friends.' we told everyone. But we were more.
We'd watch movies in your basement lying next to each other on the couch
Your body pressed against mine. Holding me. So close.
You would kiss me so sweetly
You were my first kiss you know
I was your Princess. Your 'new Jessica'
We went ice skating and saw movies. You showed me Hardstyle music
I met your mom and sister, I don't think they liked me much
Every night you would kiss me goodbye just to text me minutes later
We would text until all hours, sometimes not sleeping at all
You told me you loved me, that I was your boo
I told you I loved you too
'Ich liebe dich boo' you would tell me
Our love secret
You gave me your class ring, but I gave it back
Not because I didn't like you, but because I was afraid it would give us away
I ignored what people would say
At school we would text each other from across the table and secretly hold hands
A Christmas/New Years you told me you were drinking, too much. 7 Beers
You felt like crap. When school started back up everything was different
I was always the one texting you
You were growing distant
I decided not to text you one night, and another, and another
You never texted me. It was killing me
2 weeks, 2 months go by and still nothing
Fine.
But now I feel myself missing you
Wondering if I did something wrong
Could we have been?
I want to talk to you
I think about it every night
But you have a new girl now
It rips me apart
I want you
So many sleepless nights go by
Should I try?
Come back to me..... Please
If only for closure
Or is this all a fantasy concocted by a crush
No. It is not. I loved you. You loved me too..... I think
I love you. I miss you.